Sunday, January 12, 2014
Zzzzzzzzzzz's (Or Lack of Them)
Lately, I have been feeling totally out of whack.
I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep. These past few nights have been like a bad dream, a dream without even sleeping. I fall asleep with ease but the next thing I know I'm awake, even manic, and unable to coax myself back to sleep. I took half a sleeping pill the other night, hoping to get back on track, but it didn't work. The next night I took a whole one and it didn't work, either. Last night, pill-free AND with a migraine, I didn't sleep, either. Surprise, surprise.
In speaking with a friend this morning I told her of my Zzzz's woes.
"Are you stressed about anything?" she asked.
"No," I said. "Only that school is starting next week and I'm about 24 hours away from finishing my novel that I've been working on for almost five years."
I know this manic phase is connected to the completion of this novel - one that has been with me for over 15 years, when I first pitched it as a television show to a certain company. At the time, we just couldn't break the story, but 15 years later and now a novel, I have found it, bonded with the characters, created twists and turns that hurt my brain to figure out, and have struggled through every, single word.
Now I'm in that phase that I think all writers strive for - what I call the Sliding-Down-the-Hill phase. The novel is its own beast now with legs and arms and a body and heart, and together we are sprinting toward the finish line. It is thrilling, and it is exhausting.
And perhaps once I type those final words and send it out into the world...maybe then the keepers of sleep will pay me a visit, will sprinkle me with their magic dust. Until then, I will toss and turn and stare at my ceiling, pester my cat, chew my nails, fluff my pillows and wonder what the hell I was thinking taking on this novel idea, this wordy commitment of the imagination.
PS - Happy New Year.
PPS - How do you combat insomnia?